Alright friends & family of all the engaged couples out there...this was written for YOU!
Specifically those couples being forced to change their original wedding plans due to COVID.
Whether you don't know what to say...or maybe you would have said these things thinking it was heart felt and not realizing the devastating affects on the couple/bride.
Don't worry, we are here to tell you the comments NOT to make to these brides and what to say instead to ensure that your sentiments are received how you intend them!
First, let's talk about the brides & grooms for a sec. Their wedding day is likely the biggest life changing moment in their lives thus far! Some guests may attend up to 6 weddings per year, so it seems like just another day to the partygoer. But to the engaged couple, this is what the past year (or years) have been centered around! Planning every detail of the day to embody them as a couple, choosing the perfect venue & vendors, the day where they become husband & wife, the day that she gets to wear her dress!
A lot of the comments you are about to read have a positive spin on them - so to the person saying them it may seem like it's the right thing! This list was composed by one of our Adore Squad Members who also has to postpone her wedding due to COVID, and is instead having an intimate ceremony now, and a big party next year when the restrictions are lifted!
Here goes! ⬇️
- It could be worse
- At least you are still getting married
- I know it won't be what you've always dreamed (this one is my favorite, thank you for reminding me)
- I feel sooo bad for you, I bet you are crushed!
- The hundreds of questions about bridal shower, bachelorette weekends and other random things - that I have no idea what the answer is.
- Everything is going to work out, don't worry
- You're going to love this new day even better
- When should I give you the gift?
- I guess it just wasn't meant to be
- Why have two weddings when you can just wait a year?
- Just be happy you're healthy
- You should just wait
- Don't out do the big day
- Why are you doing two weddings?
- There’s nothing to be upset about!
If you read through these and think "Shoot, I totally said that but didn't mean to upset anyone & had good intentions!" it's okay! No one really knows what to say during this unprecedented time, and we are all figuring it out as we go. If you are in that boat, just send a quick text or show an act of kindness using our suggestions below and your friend will appreciate it!
Photo: Stephanie Wood Photography
#adorerealbride: Erin Halverson
Read on to see a few suggestions of what you SHOULD do and say to these couples and why!
- Listen. Let them know you will be there for them through this. Allow them to just vent about the sadness, overwhelmingness of it all, and the frustration they are feeling.
- "I am excited to celebrate you however you choose!" - Adding this tidbit is a great way to show that you support them in this big time!
- "I am so sorry that you have to postpone/change your wedding plans!" - Please, please, please validate their feelings. The last thing that someone wants is to feel is that they shouldn't be feeling the way that they are, or that this isn't a big deal.
- "How can I help you during the process of making this big change?" - Reaching out to guests, rescheduling vendors, just re-planning their wedding in a very short time. It's all so overwhelming, so offer up some help! Even if it's something small, it's one less task for the overwhelmed couple to do.
- If your couple has chosen to have a small intimate ceremony now, and a larger renewal & reception next year/later...listen up! You gotta celebrate their intimate ceremony day even MORE than you would celebrate a "normal" wedding
- Celebrate their original wedding date! If they chose to postpone, or have a small ceremony on their original date...when that day rolls around, send them some love! This is the day they've had in mind for months, possibly years!
- Send a carry out giftcard or bring them a meal - food is usually the way to someone's heart 😉 - it's one less dinner they'll have to make and it can help them turn a regular night into a special date night.
- If you know their interests or likes/dislikes, make them a little care package! A bottle of wine, a good book, flowers, make-at-home meal kit, some iced coffees, cookies/treats, inspirational journal - just a few things to brighten up their day!
- Organize a drive by celebration on their original wedding day - create a private Facebook event or group text and get everybody in on driving by the couples house! Sneakily make sure they'll be home at that time, and shower them with waves and yells and honks and gift baskets if that's your thing!
- If you are well connected with their guest list and will see those people in some capacity, they may ask you questions about the couple's wedding plans. If they do, just know what to say or where to send them (ex: their wedding website) so they get all needed info.
- Write them a card, pop it in the mail with a pretty decorated envelope (maybe adding "Future Mr. & Mrs. [insert new surname here]" to the address?)
Whichever you choose, the main takeaways are to CELEBRATE them, VALIDATE their feelings & offer HELP however you can, big or small ❤️
The Adore Squad